Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Yankee Despiser FAQ

LAST UPDATED: 06/08/07

When we started this blog a few years ago, I looked at it as a form of therapy -- a way of blowing off steam -- only a whole lot cheaper. Don't get me wrong - what we write is not hyperbole. We genuinely hate their guts.

Anyway, we've got a lot of new readers lately, so welcome, and for those of you who are new to the blog, allow us to explain some of what goes on here.

Q: Who are the Yankee Despiser and Manny Ortiz?
A: We're two guys from New York who've loved baseball for a long time, and when the Yankees started ruining baseball a few years back, our hatred for them intensified.

Q: Why do you call them the Junkees?
A: Two reasons. (a) That's what Manny's older brother called them many moons ago, and (b) With Giambi, Matt Lawton, Dale Berra, and all the guys over the years who've been on drugs, I think the answer becomes quite obvious.

Q: What about Old York?
A: Look at all the old men on their current roster and on the rosters of previous years.

Q: Why do you give most players nicknames?
A: First off, it's fun. It breaks up the monotony of writing the same names over and over. Second, many of them accurately reflect the personalities of the players.

Q: So what are the nicknames?
A: Joe Torre - Joe Snorre, because he always looks half asleep in the dugout.

Jason Giambi - Juice-On Giambi. Need I say more?

Doug Mientkiewiecz - Doug Smith, because the Junkees got him for PR. Ex-Red Sock, Ex-Met, and funny last name. Makes me wonder if they would have gotten him with a name like Doug Smith.

Derek Jeter - Derek Cheater. Don't remember how that one came about. May have been from a commenter.

A-Rod - A-Schmuck. Between his dirty play in the '04 ALCS and the screaming "I got it!" incident in Toronto, it's pretty self explanatory.

Hideki Matsui - Shemp. Looks like the Stooge.

Jorge Posada - Ringo. Looks like the ex-Beatle.

Kyle Farnsworth - Farnsworthless. Look at his numbers. Has been a $6 million pitcher? Have you noticed that he's only brought into 10-1 games?

Mariano Rivera - Charlie Brown. Looked like the Peanut when he flailed at the ball in Game 4 of the '04 ALCS when Bill Mueller tied it up with the single up the middle in the ninth. Also the way his ears stick out under his cap.

Q: Aside from blowing off steam, what else are you trying to prove?
A: Generally we try to further prove that the aura and mystique are long gone, now that Old York is full of jerks. We try to show how Ca$hman has been a buffoon with some of his moves, how Snorre falls in love with relievers and overuses them until their arms fall off, how they're constantly blaming the umps and coming up with excuses when they fail (especially Mike Mussina), and how so many moves are made for PR.

Q: What do you mean making moves for PR?
A: Often the Junkees will pick up guys not because they're the best guys available for their needs, rather because it'll wow others. Why did the Mets pick up a washed-up Shawn Green? PR. He's Jewish, so presumably more Jews will show up to the games or root for the Mets. Likewise, the Yankees have made tons of moves for PR. One is to pick up guys who used to be Yankees and then went elsewhere. They've done this just about every year during the Ca$hman era:

1997 - Mike Stanley
1999 - Jim Leyritz
2000 - Roberto Kelly
2001 - Randy Velarde
2002 - David Wells
2003 - Jeff Nelson
2004 - Homer Bush
2005 - Tino Martinez
2006 - Miguel Cairo

Have any of these guys really made an impact? No, they didn't have to. It was simply PR. Another PR tactic is to get ex-Mets. Among them (since Ca$hman took over in '97): Allen Watson, Jose Vizcaino, Ryan Thompson, Lance Johnson, Darren Bragg, Robin Ventura, Alberto Castillo, Todd Zeile, Bubba Trammell, Jesse Orosco, Tony Clark, Matt Lawton, Al Leiter, Octavio Dotel, and so on. Again, mostly non-impact players.

Finally, they love ex-Red Sox. That list includes Johnny Damon, Doug Mienkiewicz, Mike Myers, Tom Gordon, Alan Embree, Mark Bellhorn, and let's not forget Ramiro Mendoza in 2005.

Q: What is the Curse of Jeff Nelson that you have on the top of the page?
A: When the Junkees let him go at the end of the 2000 season, he was ticked off. He said "They'll never win without me." So far he's been right. To me it ranks right up there with the billy goat in Wrigley Field.

1 comment:

Chip said...


Have you seen our daily video comic strip?